HOW TO FIND YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE

Before the ball gets rolling I would like to introduce to the limelight one of the finest if not the best, preacher, keynote speaker, business man, organizational spearheader, networker and writer, Mr. Bo Sanchez! His book How To Find Your One True Love will be the lifeblood of the discussion of this issue's cover story.

The book itself archives thoughts mostly condensed on relationship – finding your partner of a lifetime. A tandem of biblical and practical thoughts grounded on the author’s brilliant counsel, a book worthy of a best-selling medallion.

Many of us Filipinos believe in destiny; that no matter what, in the midst of stubbornness, inaction and laziness the right guy will find his way to you – wrong! As if somebody out there in the wilderness God has handpick a man for me, no no no. You have to CHOOSE among those men according to the ideals that you have about him. The problem of multiplicity. Where in the world will a young lady looking for her guy amidst 3.5 billion adult males (correct me if I'm wrong) in the world will find her way to him. It's either she's going to date these guys or these guys' going to date her just to find her one true love. Surely, he’s just there. She'd be so lucky if at her 80's she'll find him halfway through that number!

On the outset, the book is supposed to be gentler on the readers, mostly females, who are the primary target of the book's ideology. Nonetheless, the author warns that the book may run counter against our long perennial belief system about love, courtship, marriage and sex. You might be thinking that the book will do favor on you – let's see. Anybody who has the plan to remain clinging like obstinate wild vines to their old beliefs, feel free to turn down the book. On the other hand, if you feel a flicker of will-to-change in your soul, beliefs and finally in your marriage life, feel free to do so.

I think this book really makes so much sense!

One more thing! Never in my life have I read books having this writing fashion. Every author has the wit, yes they have, and I have few: Jack Canfield, Norman Vincent Peale, Paolo Coelo, Stephen Covey and a lot more. But our very own Bo Sanchez is a boss in his writing prowess plus the fizz of his sense of humor injected in every page of his book. Cover to cover is worth the sit and forty-winks.

The book contains 8 crucial steps towards finding your one true love, although there are thousands of ways to do it as there are thousands of ways of how to kill a cat.

The book took few of its foundation on the author's lived experiences – mostly of his eighteen years of paddling two streams of crucial decision he will be making in his life – celibate or married life. That's a never ever easy forging he made of himself just to be where he is now.

That's why his book is an ultrasonic avenue towards his inner mind and soul.

Ok. Enough, I guess that's it. Let's take our best foot forward now on the first step of eight.

STEP 1 – TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR FINDING YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE

On this step Bo stressed out mainly to use the very 'godlike' faculty He has given us, our mental faculty. It says don't give God the responsibility he has given you in the first place. This is where your first ramshackle belief turns to rubble, like: Don't act, don't move, and don’t do anything, just stay in the mid-air God will give the man of your life anyway – in the right time and place – wrong!

If it's destiny, I see three protesting contradictions and problems. First, the problem of multiplicity; Second, the problem of choice and third the problem of responsibility.

The problem of choice. This directly contradicts destiny. In destiny, no matter what you do or even you do nothing at all – things will happen for you, right?! No, Bo strongly stressed, you have to take full responsibility of your life and actions. As I have said, you have been given this faculty nearest to heaven, and that's your brain, your coconut shell, your mental faculty, your central processing unit or whatever you call it to decide choose and take full stewardship of your life.

So much so, that you cannot blame others including your boyfriend if you have an irresponsible mate. It might be because of your carelessness. I guess, no outside force can coerce you to have and to like somebody without your permission. It is because you allow it and you welcomed it to your life.

The Problem of Responsibility. There is a saying “politics is an art of choosing somebody to bear the blame.” The same is through with marriage. We chose destiny or God to choose for us so that later when your relationship doesn’t work and your marriage failed, you can point your big fat finger to God and blame him because he has given you such a monster in your life. For all you know, marriage is not a toy. One has to take a realistic sense of responsibility to uphold the demands of marriage life – humility, hard work, courage, sacrifice – and nosebleeds too.

STEP 2 – KNOW WHAT’S STOPPING YOU INSIDE

Now, here’s the catch in here. You’ll get the match of who you think you are. They said water seeks its own level. And so a financially challenge individual will attract a financially challenged partner too; a low self-worth individual will also attract a partner with low self-worth; the same is through with physically challenged individual who will attract the same.

Do you know who’s stopping you? No other than it’s YOU. The one that’s stopping you inside is a wrong assessment of your own self. You know what? Because we usually put that self-worth on the eyes of the other individuals, on the passersby, instead of you sizing-up your worth.

Don’t get me wrong, you believe in the saying, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Convincing, isn’t it?! And we always thought of the beholder as the girl or the guy next door – big mistake! That beholder is YOU, before anybody else follows. You can’t be beautiful from inside out unless you acknowledge it to the whole universe that you are really beautiful. Thus, the principle “you cannot give what you do not have.”

STEP 3 – TALK TO LOTS OF GUYS

I know ladies your teeth now are beginning to grind and your eye-brows splicing up together. As strange as it may seem, the author suggest – you do it!

So how’s your belief – ouch!

Contrary to our Maria Clara belief system, a woman is more likely to choose a lifelong partner if she’s more oriented to lots of guys. I’m not saying Maria Clara is wrong, only that there is something arguable with that iconic cultural female figure.

Ok here we go, don’t over presume. We are not suggesting here that you’ll be flirtatious. We just want to strike the mean of virtue, meaning, the catch between over conservatism and flirtatiousness. What we suggest is that don’t be too aloof with guys. Again, we are not saying that you’ll let yourself raped!

Are you alright!?

We suggest you make your own checklist of all the characters and qualities you like in a guy or a lifetime partner and go get your trolley and have your ‘shopping spree’ with that checklist. Just don’t forget that responsible must be number one on the checklist.

STEP 4 – HAVE AS MANY FRIENDLY DATES AS HUMANLY AS POSSIBLE

Don't worry we are still at the prime of our sanity! Girls you do not court boys here, you simply just be 'close' to them with no further intimacy. You're simply looking for friends, no more no less.

In our Filipino cultural orientation dates would usually mean romantic, well, it may not be. You want to date because you don't want to be in love with somebody whom you haven't been your friend first, right?

Whom are you going to date? Bo suggest that you don't have to stick to your “type” because your type may actually comes from your weakness. It is your way of filling the void in you. (More on this when you read the whole book.)

Perhaps, on your way meeting friends you'll fall to the trap of “love at first sight.” There is no such thing. Love is never acquired or felt in one fell swoop, it takes time, energy, sacrifice and responsibility before true love knocks at your door.

Here's one thing for you guys, and I myself agree with Bo. Old friends make good marriage. Simply because they've known each other very well long before enough.

So don't rush, choose well and don't forget to enjoy life!

STEP 5 – BE ATTRACTIVE

As what we have said above, you cannot give what you do not have. Nobody around you can feel the real beauty unless you've projected it yourself. It must first exude from you before anybody else feel it for you.

Invest in clothes and make-up kit, but not much. Remember the real beauty (say physically) of a woman comes without those make-ups. Make-ups or vanity kits may even just blind those impurities in you but not remove them. They serve as concealer of the beauty or ugliness in you.

Cultivate a lovely character! Cultivate your sense of joy, humor, collegiality, love for God and nature. Physical dissatisfaction can be operated by the best cosmetologist in the world, but never on the character. It's all up to you.

Now, here's an attractiveness secret you might not know at all girls. Never make that guy “jobless.” Once he’s employed in the chase, never give him the chance to lose the sense of thrill. Be a cunning “prey” that you can be. To make myself clear, the psychology of a predator is more satisfying when the chase is a little bit harder.

We human males are natural hunters so if we feel that the prey is chasing us instead, we lose the thrill and we tend to back-off because we feel that we are losing our job. So girls lots of “maybes,” “perhaps,” “we’ll see” will add flavor to the chase. Although we hate delays and hardships, we never expect to have you in our pocket that easy.

Never let us feel that the game is over, it must continue up even when we’ve been into relationships already.

Lesson: an easy come relationship is an easy go relationship.

STEP 6 – KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A SPOUSE

Bo calls it Non-negotiable Checklist. This contains all the characters your dream spouse must have. Majority of singles don’t do this because they think it’s easy as eating an apple pie or choosing a partner is as easy as choosing which toothpaste to use.

You’ve got to do it. Never be complaisant that the right spouse will come to you, without you wanting for it. The unbreakable law of attraction states that you get what you want for – it’s logical. If you’re planning ahead for a better family life, plan the man that you want too.

Remember, failing to prepare is preparing to fail. An unwanted spouse or husband is an unwanted conjugal life in the future. So, please choose carefully the man that you want to be with for life.

Never ever say this; “anyway love will conquer all!” Do not give love the responsibility it has given you.

Again CHOOSE!

Never give love the responsibility of changing a drunkard husband or an irresponsible spouse - it won’t work. That is why after marriage both of you will be slammed by a bitter reality that “love is never enough to a married life.” You know there must be something there missing and you know it’s one of your neglect.

Now ladies, here is the tip at the tip of my finger: Chose a guy whom you know can carry the tremendous burden of a married life.

Who is he? I bet your checklist runs short.

Chose the man who is capable of responding to the emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological and more importantly financial pressures of a married life – with you! It’s not perfectionism. The list isn’t perfect itself but it’s essential.

Here are examples of Bo’s Non-negotiable Checklist:

He must take responsibility for his life.

He must be free from serious addictions.

He must be emotionally healthy.

He must earn enough to start a family.

He must be morally upright.

He must be spiritually committed.

He must love his own family.

You extend the list if you want. If one man doesn’t qualify and doesn’t’ want to be qualified on your list, feel free to dump him. Go check out another. (More exegesis on the checklist above if you read the book itself.)

STEP 7 – ENTER INTO COURTSHIP

Finally, we’re entering the gate that will lead you to the way where you want to be.

Again don’t keep that hunk jobless, keep him going. Keep him popping for mysterious thrills in your hands. I don’t mean to say that you’ll toy with him, just be the girl who will give him the daredevil of the ride!

Now that you’re in a romantic proper, perhaps after few chocolates and red roses showers Johnny Boy got you in his hand. In here, you have to remember that the closeness of friendship is gone and you’re inside a different environment.

Just few reminders to men out there, don’t keep the girl guessing. Don’t ever play with a girl’s heart. Stop sending mixed signals to her. If you want her, then court her, if you don’t, then stop the selfish game, ok.

Here’s one indication that a guy is dead serious about you: is when he is excited to know your parents and his parents to you. But if a guy would rather creep-up into your window in the wee hours of the night like Michael Jackson’s Thriller zombies; be cautious of that wicked creature of the underground. You would rather prefer a guy with “balls” no matter how strict your parents maybe.

Don’t rush!

It takes at least two years for your partner to manifest addictions and other weaknesses you might regret after marriage. I guess this is the time when both of you are loosing up character or some attitude inhibitions.

Girls, surrendering your virginity is never a guarantee or giving-in to sexual act with your boyfriend doesn’t guarantee you anything. If the boy is asking you guarantee if you really love him or if he is threatening to leave you if you don’t give what he wants, then go kick his butt to the vile underworld where he belongs!

Remember that your virginity is a crowned gift to the man who deserved it the most – not to monsters.

Bo stated few advantages of remaining a virgin before marriage:

You save yourself from out-of-wedlock pregnancy.

You’re not tempted to abort or murder your baby.

You save yourself from venereal disease.

You’re able to discern if your current guy is really marriage material.

You don’t get trapped with a person – just because you had sex.

You don’t feel cheap – like a used rag.

You create urgency for your man to take your relationship to the next level.

(More explanations of those above if you read the book.)

STEP 8 – TRUST GOD AND ENJOY LIFE

This step simply means marriage!

Bo said, “marriage is like a magnifying glass. It simply magnifies the misery or the happiness that you had as a single person.”

In the neck of time, we are still obstinate on some reminders about your partner-to-be. Here’s one tip for you; never marry anybody who is miserable, always cursing, blaming and hating anybody and anything that comes along his way. That person is a pincushion of all bad lucks and hatred in this world.

Remember the magnifying principle of marriage. Inculcate, engrave, emboss and ultra seal this in your mind ladies, that the way your boyfriend is treating you today will be magnified twice or trice when you get married – especially his nuisance characters.

Don’t marry a person who only loves you and hate his parents, because someday you’ll look like his parents and he’ll hate you too.

Marry a man who takes RESPONSIBILITY of his own life, loves God, his parents and your parents as well; perhaps even your dogs or cats. The probability is high that he will love you too. The way he treats others will be a (perfect) manifestation of how he’ll treat you after marriage.

Here’s one simple formula Bo formulated in his lab:

HAPPY MAN + HAPPY WOMAN = HAPPY MARRIAGE

LOVING MAN + LOVING WOMAN = LOVING MARRIAGE

RESPONSIBLE MAN + RESPONSIBLE WOMAN = RESPONSIBLE MARRIAGE

Again and again, marriage is NOT just all about love! It’s all about RESPONSIBILITY. After marriage both of you will realize that “LOVE is not enough,” especially if you’re quarreling about finances and how to feed several mouths at a time.

Ask it to yourself, is this man taking full responsibility of his life? If he cannot even brush his teeth or iron his clothes or pay his little debts and kept running away from it, I know girl - you’ll get lost or at least throwing a stone into your head.

Finally, here’s what you want to do; never forget to ENJOY life! This is the most important thing after all. Enjoy it and everything else follows.

There is a saying, “all animals in the jungle know that the purpose of life is to enjoy it, except for one animal – man.”

I don’t have an idiot board to coach you exactly on how you will enjoy your life – it is in your cup of tea. The probability of getting a happy marriage is very high once you’ve enjoyed your single life. Remember the formula; let me state it this way – a happy woman magnetize a happy man and so on and so forth.

For me, no beauty compares to a HAPPY soul!

So, thank GOD and ENJOY life!!!

(P.S. more informational materials when you read the entire book of Bo Sanchez . This review of mine might not even be a halfway through with it. Avail the book at http://shepherdsvoice.com.ph/how-to-find-your-one-true-love-by-bo-sanchez-p-65.html)

Check this also: http://onetruelovenetwork.com/

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